The Miracle Tank

[vetteguy53081]

A little snail was standing at the corner waiting to cross the street. He heard two turtles coming down the street from the opposite direction. They both ran their stop sign and crashed at the intersection. The police responded and when the officer arrived he saw all the turtle parts strewn about the road and knew there were no survivors. Looking around he saw the little snail standing at the corner. He walked over and looking down he asked the snail if he saw the accident happen.
The little snail looked up at the officer and said, ”Oh officer, it happened so fast!”

 

[vetteguy53081]

At age 6 I went to my first funeral. As the coffin was lowered, the priest said, “In the name of the father, son and the holy ghost.” For years after I thought he said, “In the name of the father, son and into the hole he goes.”

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[Lasse]

At age 6 I went to my first funeral. As the coffin was lowered, the priest said, “In the name of the father, son and the holy ghost.” For years after I thought he said, “In the name of the father, son and into the hole he goes.”

That was good - nearly as good as me that missunderstand the american saying "a pain in the butt" I thought they said "a pin in the butt" I use this for many years until an american answered me - yes its hurts too. It also took many years for me to understand that Elvis sing "a devil in disguise" Not "a devil in the sky" I wonder for years how he could put the devil in the sky But I´m a Swede

Sincerely Lasse

 

[Lasse]

a pain in the butt

There is inbuild word editors in this forum - I did not use "butt" as you probably understand Yes I´m from Gothenburg and we are know to be real word equilibrists in every language

Sincerely Lasse

 

[vetteguy53081]

Two strings are walking down the street. It’s a really hot day and they decide to stop in a bar for a drink. They walk into a bar and the bartender says, “Get out. We don’t serve strings in here.” The two strings leave and are quite upset over this. Outside one string says to the other, “Watch this,” and he messes up his hair really wild. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, “Hey, aren’t you a string I just kicked out of here?”
The string says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

A cats' point of view of veterans Day

 

[vetteguy53081]

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet 
in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.” “And yer hand?” asks Marty. “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.” “OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

A burglar enters a home. All of a sudden a voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around. No one is there, so he gets back to business. Soon, the voice repeats, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” The burglar jumps and takes a longer look around the room. Over in a corner, partially obscured by curtains, is a caged parrot, which pipes up again, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” “So what?” asks the annoyed burglar. “You’re only a parrot!”
To which the parrot replies, “Maybe, but Jesus is a Rottweiler!”

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[StatelineReefer]

Aww, but she looks like such a good girl!!!

Who's a good girl!?!!
Who's a good girl!?!!
Yes you are!

 

[vetteguy53081]

A man is finally ready to start his own backyard beehive. He walks into the local pet store where they sell bees and asks for a dozen. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many. I only wanted 12,” the man says.
The clerk replies, “It’s a free-bie.”

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[Lowell Lemon]

Just here for the joke of the day and hopes that Katrina might show up! Have a great day all.

 

[vetteguy53081]