I saw a guy dragging a clam on a leash on the beach this morning.

[rhitee93]

ouch...
...but, when in Rome...

Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.

 

[Jasonak]

Ok this is my super cheesy go to.

Moose walks into the bar.

Bartender says : Why the long face.

 

[lil sumpin]

my girlfriend kinda reminds me of bigfoot

.... she doesn't exist (lol dont tell her I said that)

 

[Jasonak]

I told my girlfriend that she had drawn here eyebrows on to high


she seemed surprised!

 

[voelter76]

How long did Cain hate his brother?


As long as he was Abel!

 

[edsbeaker]

I asked him if it was hard to walk with a pulled mussel.

Got me!

 

[1112-425XL]

I recently took a pole... And found that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

 

[Jasonak]

Now this is my cheesy go to that I actually think is funny

Bear walks into bar sits down and tells bartender give me a beer.

Bartender says : No we dont serve bears.

Bear looks around and immediately gobbles up the lady setting next to him at the bar! and says now you going to serve me a beer.

Bartender says: No we dont serve bears on drugs.

Bear says : Bears on drugs what are you talking about ???

Bartender says : That was a barbiturate.

 

[Daniel@R2R]

Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?​

Because they dropped out of school.

 

[Crabs McJones]

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping on the heals of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything....all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin...and suddenly the coffin stopped

 

[Crabs McJones]

A polar bear walks into a bar.
Bartender says "What'll ya have?"
Polar bear says " I'll have a jack and............................coke"
Bartender says "Why the long pause?"
Polar bear says "I was born with them"

 

[BristleWormHater]

@Daniel@R2R Can we get a dislike reaction added for this thread?

 

[Crabs McJones]

A man gets up on stage at a comedy club and starts telling pun jokes.
Joke after joke he gets no reaction from the audience. He tried ten different puns to get people to laugh but no pun in ten did.

 

[Reefering1]

@sfin52
I know you got some jokes for us...

 

[Crabs McJones]

A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey you can’t be in here, we don’t serve your kind.”

The strings leaves the bar, ties himself into a knot, frays his ends, and returns inside.

The bartender looks at the string shocked and says, “Hey aren’t you that string I just told to leave.” The string looks at him and says,”No, I’m a frayed knot. “

 

[PharmrJohn]

I asked him if it was hard to walk with a pulled mussel.

I'll be here all day, folks!

Dude. Dad joke. Hard-core!

 

[eliaslikesfish]

holy shrimp. the amount of dad in this thread is diabolical.

 

[Crabs McJones]

I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.''

 

[PharmrJohn]

My Dad would bring home jokes from work (he was a teacher. The guy was named Gordie. So they were known as Gordie Jokes. They were ALL terrible! But it became somewhat of a tradition. Dad would call 'Gordie Joke. We'd all moan and then he'd tell it. Never got old!

 

[Soren]

You do know why they are called Dad jokes, right?

It's because most consider them apparent.