Parenting and Reef Tanks

[jayala12]

I have a 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter so they are good to go lol. Wait…….. and I have a 3 month baby girl w colic. I feel you. It’s rough but doable. Take some breathes and know it takes a village to raise a child and a reef tank. My wife is a rockstar but I try and help out where I can. Good luck reefing and good luck being a father. Best things in the world.

 

[aztoza]

Thanks for all the encouragement. One of my local reef buddies tore down his 625xl after investing a lot of time and money into it. He had automated RODI refill, apex + trident, reefmat, ozone, doser, etc. He was tired of just seeing his tank struggle while taking care of 2 kids after 3 years. I would say I have a better handle on my system and everything is doing well, but I keep promising the wife that we are going into low maintenance mode, but it never ends at times, especially since I'm dipping my acros every week for 8 weeks to eradicate AEFW.

Our baby is turning 11 months old in a few days. He is mesmerized by the reef tank and when he goes to public aquariums, he loves it, so I hope he will enjoy it alongside me over time, but man taking care of a reef tank since his birth has been a lift. I even sold my frag tank because I just didn't have time to manage it.

Auto water change won't work, don't have the space for it. I do have some things that stretch time / improve efficiency like doser, reefmat, 2 week RODI reservoir, good cleanup crew, efficient skimmer, refugium etc. Don't have an apex, but I have wifi power strips to add some controllability.

I guess I'm just venting, because some days are tougher than others, especially with the sleep regressions and less free time to do maintenance / upgrades. The battle with AEFW really dampened my morale, but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel with a lot of research on what I need to do. Hopefully after this it will enter more of a "cruise" mode. Recent tank shot below.

Wow gorgeous tank! Don’t give that up! And you’re right, your kid will enjoy watching that tank for years too! As your baby gets older, don’t just try to do everything at sleep time—strap him/her to yourself in a baby carrier or Bumbo chair while you do the chores so they can watch.

 

[kartrsu]

Been there, and, it takes time, but it will get easier. The best advice I can give though is:

No more new projects until the baby is sleeping through the night.

Put together a list of your maintenance tasks and assess if you really need to do them as frequently as you do, or, break the tasks down into simple actions which can take 5-10 minutes a day (for example, for my 90 gallon corner tank, I do 20 gallon water changes a week because I feed heavy, and normally do it as 2 10 gallon water changes on two different days, but if I know I’m gonna have a rough week, I use a 2.5 gallon bucket to do a 2.5 gallon water change once a day. Because I have a 50 gallon brute container with saltwater at all times, it takes me 5-6 min each day to do a water change, and it’s small enough amount that I don’t need to temp acclimate the water).

Set a weekly schedule, and stick to it, but give yourself a +/- 1 day buffer if you can’t get things done right away, and try not to set up activities to happen on consecutive days.

Invest in a good cleanup crew. Every tank I have has a handful of turbo snails. at least a dozen trochus snails, two tuxedo urchins, a zebrasoma tank and a bristletooth tang, and I’ve not had to clean my rockwork much, and the glass once every two weeks).

Don’t sweat it if the tank doesn’t look perfect, it’s a point of pride I know, but, there’s more important things right now, and you’ll get it back to where it needs to be, just keep it at a level where the algae is low and the nitrate/phosphate is at a healthy level.

Automate your testing if you can, and you can also use that as a trigger to set the schedule of water changes as need be. I have mastertronics on my systems and use that to gauge when I need to dose phosphate rx (if phosphate is high), or when I need to up or lower the water changes (i change my water change schedule based on the nitrate buildup).

Good luck, you’ll be fine, and just remember it’ll get easier.

Thanks for the advice. Really resonated well as I don't attempt big multi-hour tasks anymore unless its late at night. I keep a running list of to-dos to keep me on track, but when it piles up or I miss stuff, it irks me. The pride part is hard indeed and thanks for reminding me to give it grace. Worked hard to eradicate all fish pathogens, establish microbiome stability, find good tank balance, organize storage and wires, add automation, and basically try to take more of a back seat. A lot of mental, physical, and monetary investment into it, so definitely want to see it succeed, otherwise what was it all for?!

I have a 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter so they are good to go lol. Wait…….. and I have a 3 month baby girl w colic. I feel you. It’s rough but doable. Take some breathes and know it takes a village to raise a child and a reef tank. My wife is a rockstar but I try and help out where I can. Good luck reefing and good luck being a father. Best things in the world.

Thanks! My wife and I definitely want a second kid, but still in survival mode with the first so contemplating it feels daunting to say the least. Takes a village indeed. The weekends are the worst, burnt out from work, and then the nanny is off, so if we are short changed sleep for whatever reason, it's like scraping the bottom of the bucket.

Wow gorgeous tank! Don’t give that up! And you’re right, your kid will enjoy watching that tank for years too! As your baby gets older, don’t just try to do everything at sleep time—strap him/her to yourself in a baby carrier or Bumbo chair while you do the chores so they can watch.

Thanks! I do want to find a way to elevate him to safely watch the tank, but he's in that crawl/shimmy/walk explore mode right now. But he does get a good view when it's time to eat. Almost hard to get his attention at times as he stares off at the tank.

 

[VintageReefer]

You have an nice mixed reef. If things get too crazy, a sacrifice of sps would make things a lot easier. I did that for a while and was able to get my reef in low maintenance mode - 10 min a week or less

I am considering going back to having sps added back in and I think a big help would be automated testing and dosing. Or at least just automated testing

I am looking into the various options out there.

 

[kartrsu]

You have an nice mixed reef. If things get too crazy, a sacrifice of sps would make things a lot easier. I did that for a while and was able to get my reef in low maintenance mode - 10 min a week or less

I am considering going back to having sps added back in and I think a big help would be automated testing and dosing. Or at least just automated testing

I am looking into the various options out there.

Thank you! I just got into acros. They seem more resilent than I imagined and I'm getting good growth. I've mostly stuck with the tried-and-true varieties rather than the hot new varieties being imported.

Automated testing would be very nice, but I had a hard time justifying. I've optimized my testing to about 15 mins once per week across salinity, alkalinity, calcium, mag, po4, no3, and PH. In sequence order ...

Salinity (Milwaukee) - Instant
NO3 (Hanna) - takes 7 mins to read
PO4 (Hanna) - takes 3 mins to read, have the old version that times out way to fast
Alk (Hanna) - very quick test
PH (Hanna) - also very quick
Ca (Salifert) - pretty quick, printed table out and posted on wall
Mag (Salifert) - pretty quick

 

[kartrsu]

PSA: I love the AquaticLog app. Great UI to log parameters. Has reminders to keep me on track with maintenance and plan things out.

 

[VintageReefer]

Thank you! I just got into acros. They seem more resilent than I imagined and I'm getting good growth. I've mostly stuck with the tried-and-true varieties rather than the hot new varieties being imported.

Automated testing would be very nice, but I had a hard time justifying. I've optimized my testing to about 15 mins once per week across salinity, alkalinity, calcium, mag, po4, no3, and PH. In sequence order ...

Salinity (Milwaukee) - Instant
NO3 (Hanna) - takes 7 mins to read
PO4 (Hanna) - takes 3 mins to read, have the old version that times out way to fast
Alk (Hanna) - very quick test
PH (Hanna) - also very quick
Ca (Salifert) - pretty quick, printed table out and posted on wall
Mag (Salifert) - pretty quick

I use all those but also have the ca and mag ones digital.

Do them in the right order and it saves time. I start with the NO3 then PO4 and while the timers are running I quickly do the alk and others and by the time I’m done, then the first ones are ready

 

[PharmrJohn]

My wife is a rockstar but I try and help out where I can.

I LOVE to hear these sorts of things. IMO, Mothers do not get enough praise in this world. I, myself, have a Rockstar for a wife. And although our kids are grown, I still let her know she's an awesome Mother and Partner. I have NO idea what I would do without her! So good on ya!

 

[jayala12]

I LOVE to hear these sorts of things. IMO, Mothers do not get enough praise in this world. I, myself, have a Rockstar for a wife. And although our kids are grown, I still let her know she's an awesome Mother and Partner. I have NO idea what I would do without her! So good on ya!

I totally agree. I would be lost without her. I know she will never read this but when you have someone that truly loves and completes you everything is easy. Plus she really enables me in this hobby lol.

 

[GARRIGA]

Too old to be a parent but grandchild already here and more on the way plus want to spend least amount of my precious time on maintenance and why I'm testing different paths seeking the most natural approach within reason.

What I won't be doing:
Cleaning skimmate or skimmers and let algae replace benefits lost
Cleaning socks or changing out roller mats as I need to feed that algae
Scraping four sides, one is enough
Vacuuming sand/gravel, undergravel filter plus powerhead occasionally blowing the substrate solves that along with raking. Overflow will solve surface film

Keep it simple...

 

[kevgib67]

I have 3 kids, adults now, and the first two were 16 months apart. My wife was a surgical intensive care nurse and every other week worked a 12 hour shift on Saturdays and Sundays. The weekend she was off freed me up to do outside work. It got tough with the tank and the kids so we had to make the hard choice and put the kids up for adoption. Every day when I enjoy my tank I know we made the right choice. Alright, seriously it did get easier and easier as they grew and could entertain themselves, thank god for Barney. I was never so happy to see a purple dinosaur. Steve and Blue were a big help as well. Funny story, I came home from work one day to find a dozen grapes in my tank. My 3 yo decided to feed the fish because they looked hungry. I fished them out with a net and there wasn’t any detrimental effects to the tank or the inhabitants.

 

[VintageReefer]

I put magnetic kitchen cabinet locks on the inside of my stand. I don’t need anything added to my sump

 

[MnFish1]

How are all the new moms and dads managing reef husbandry with taking care of a baby? I’ve since converted my tank into an acro heavy tank, did a lot of work to baby proof albeit still not done, and now with less spare time, it’s beginning to feel more like a chore than enjoyment. I still love my tank, but it’s just hard to manage parenting and a reef tank all the time. Have tried many times to go “low maintenance” but dang, it’s still hard.

First - decide what's essential.
Second - Your message above doesn't make complete sense - you have 2 babies - I your baby...... 2 your tank. If I were you with this question, I could give up the tank in a second

 

[MnFish1]

Here is a contrarian - having a baby does not decrease the amount of work for your tank - IMHO insunuating that this is an answer/issue. Yea - just quit

 

[VintageReefer]

Well he said he’s been told to “go low maintenance” but that’s not just a thing you can start doing. If takes planning, sacrifice of needy inhabitants/demanding corals, and possibly money spent on automation and fail safes and / or additional filtration measures

 

[marsdahl]

Part of becoming a parent is sometimes losing your identity and I've used reefing and other hobbies to help remember who I am even after two kids. Sometimes I have to do fish (and plant) chores after bedtime when I'd rather be sleeping, but after I get started I remember how much I enjoy it. Plus the tanks are a nice focal point when my kids are losing their s**t and I need what I call a "mental moment".

 

[MnFish1]

The problem is - Unless I'm mis-remembering - the poster said his tank is becoming more of a chore, and less enjoying, despite his efforts. My solution - hold off on the tank. OR - make more time for the tank and the baby - I know this sounds harsh - but its reality based on what he/she said

 

[Jmp998]

I downsized (from 180 to 20 gallon cube) for a few years which helped a lot but still kept me in the hobby. You mentioned babyproofing, absolutely this is the most important. Every cord out of reach, absolutely no way to access sump/water change buckets/chemicals/etc, stable and/or secured stand. The magnetic door locks worked best for me, my daughter could open anything else.

 

[BubblesandSqueak]

How are all the new moms and dads managing reef husbandry with taking care of a baby? I’ve since converted my tank into an acro heavy tank, did a lot of work to baby proof albeit still not done, and now with less spare time, it’s beginning to feel more like a chore than enjoyment. I still love my tank, but it’s just hard to manage parenting and a reef tank all the time. Have tried many times to go “low maintenance” but dang, it’s still hard.

put the baby in a pack n play next to the tank. they will be very entertained while you do maintenance. better than a mobile. EXCEPT for the BLUE light!

 

[Reefer Brent]

Great thread here! 2 kids, one being a non sleeper 10 month old,and a wife that likes to spend time with me for some reason!?!?(feeling is mutual of course)

To me the biggest derailer from spending time on the tank is the cleanup afterwards. I have to wash my hands 10 times and clean all surfaces cause god forbid I give the kids some sort of infection from the aquarium water or skimmer.

I have stopped diving in head first to maintenance as it never goes well. I tell myself 1 to 2 tasks at a time and I let it sit.

I am horrible at testing regularly but I'll get there.

Like others said it helps me remember who I am and what I like. I get to look forward to lunch breaks at the LFS and take my mind off other things.

I think about my next move and plan it in my head to make it more efficient.

I stopped sweating the "little things" (prob helped my tank overall) Hands Out The Tank!