Parenting and Reef Tanks

[kartrsu]

How are all the new moms and dads managing reef husbandry with taking care of a baby? I’ve since converted my tank into an acro heavy tank, did a lot of work to baby proof albeit still not done, and now with less spare time, it’s beginning to feel more like a chore than enjoyment. I still love my tank, but it’s just hard to manage parenting and a reef tank all the time. Have tried many times to go “low maintenance” but dang, it’s still hard.

 

[crazyfishmom]

Reef when the baby sleeps?

Kidding.

Having a new baby is daunting and everything that was easy and routine before isn’t anymore. It’ll evolve and get easier, a lot easier over the new few months and there will a new routine, I promise.

 

[reefsaver]

Automation really is in my opinion. One of the single greatest dreams of a Reef Aquarium for me at least. And I'm a single man, no girlfriend no job. But I love this hobby so much that I want to be able to maintain a Reef if I were to ever be in your position.
There's a point to which you can automate things and I'm not going to lie I mean, it is God dang expensive. Don't let price bring you down I mean. I don't want you to ever give up. I definately wouldn't want myself to. Work toward slowly saving on pieces of equipment that will remove you from having to do things on the aquarium.
Absolute Musts for me if I were you would be:
KamoerX2SR Automatic Waterchanger
The largest possible filter roller you can fit in your sump
A high quality ATO with a very large reservoir to pull RODI (this can be made even more hands free by setting up solenoids to automatically top up your fresh water by coming straight from an RODI unit but it's very advanced)
A decent skimmer, Marine pure bricks and be very picky with your cleanup crew. Tanks, angels, wrasse, snails.
The better you choose your cleanup crew the less you're going to deal with problems. Let them do your job for you.

 

[VintageReefer]

Oh I can tell you. I lost all my sps and let my tank grow algae for 2 years. My new build sat in a closet for 3. Then that never happened. And one day around year 4 I was disappointed in the tank. Cause it was horrible.

And I decided I’m going to rebuild as low maintenance lps but if going to go lps I’m going to make it high end incredible ones as much as I can and 2.5 years later I have this and spend 5 min a week on it

 

[ZzyzxRiver]

After another exhausting night dealing with our 9 month old’s sleep regression, boy do I feel you. We have a nano so the maintenance isn’t that big of a deal, but I can imagine that with your 250 it’s… not the same?

We’re a bit crazy- we put the tank on the bottom of a bookshelf so that the baby can crawl up to it. He loves to watch feeding and playing with the algae scraper. Taking him to various LFS gives me something to do with him during the day as well.

How old is your baby? All that work will feel worth it when your kid first starts enjoying the tank!

 

[kartrsu]

Thanks for all the encouragement. One of my local reef buddies tore down his 625xl after investing a lot of time and money into it. He had automated RODI refill, apex + trident, reefmat, ozone, doser, etc. He was tired of just seeing his tank struggle while taking care of 2 kids after 3 years. I would say I have a better handle on my system and everything is doing well, but I keep promising the wife that we are going into low maintenance mode, but it never ends at times, especially since I'm dipping my acros every week for 8 weeks to eradicate AEFW.

Our baby is turning 11 months old in a few days. He is mesmerized by the reef tank and when he goes to public aquariums, he loves it, so I hope he will enjoy it alongside me over time, but man taking care of a reef tank since his birth has been a lift. I even sold my frag tank because I just didn't have time to manage it.

Auto water change won't work, don't have the space for it. I do have some things that stretch time / improve efficiency like doser, reefmat, 2 week RODI reservoir, good cleanup crew, efficient skimmer, refugium etc. Don't have an apex, but I have wifi power strips to add some controllability.

I guess I'm just venting, because some days are tougher than others, especially with the sleep regressions and less free time to do maintenance / upgrades. The battle with AEFW really dampened my morale, but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel with a lot of research on what I need to do. Hopefully after this it will enter more of a "cruise" mode. Recent tank shot below.

 

[Mschmidt]

That's a nice tank! mine turned one last week. I'm just starting to get a hang on the tank, at least as much as I ever have...
If it's in the budget, get a fish to help with the AEFW. I hated my sand bed for months, then got a bullet goby and life is better. Do what you can, when you can.
sept 2023 baby of 2 months old

november:

December baby of 5 months

it's coming along now. telling the baby self-direct helps some too. Also, I heard somewhere that a sleep regression is caused by the need to practice milestones. If the baby doesn't get enough time during the day to practice, they get it at night. Giving ours plenty of space for practice during the day has given us some peaceful nights. not 100%, but not sleepless for weeks.

 

[crazyfishmom]

Thanks for all the encouragement. One of my local reef buddies tore down his 625xl after investing a lot of time and money into it. He had automated RODI refill, apex + trident, reefmat, ozone, doser, etc. He was tired of just seeing his tank struggle while taking care of 2 kids after 3 years. I would say I have a better handle on my system and everything is doing well, but I keep promising the wife that we are going into low maintenance mode, but it never ends at times, especially since I'm dipping my acros every week for 8 weeks to eradicate AEFW.

Our baby is turning 11 months old in a few days. He is mesmerized by the reef tank and when he goes to public aquariums, he loves it, so I hope he will enjoy it alongside me over time, but man taking care of a reef tank since his birth has been a lift. I even sold my frag tank because I just didn't have time to manage it.

Auto water change won't work, don't have the space for it. I do have some things that stretch time / improve efficiency like doser, reefmat, 2 week RODI reservoir, good cleanup crew, efficient skimmer, refugium etc. Don't have an apex, but I have wifi power strips to add some controllability.

I guess I'm just venting, because some days are tougher than others, especially with the sleep regressions and less free time to do maintenance / upgrades. The battle with AEFW really dampened my morale, but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel with a lot of research on what I need to do. Hopefully after this it will enter more of a "cruise" mode. Recent tank shot below.

I totally get it. It’s daunting.

With parenting, just like with reef keeping, patience and giving yourself a little grace/break to not be perfect goes a long long way.

Tank looks awesome to me!

 

[Mschmidt]

I also triage tank tasks. The tank can handle empty dosers longer than an empty ato. Water change can wait...

If I were dipping daily the coral wouldn't leave the rack.

Also I'm getting better at doing things one handed.

 

[ZzyzxRiver]

Do you have the budget to hire someone to maintain your aquarium for a few weeks or a couple months? Just having the break will probably bring back your desire to do it yourself.

 

[PharmrJohn]

Yeah. Kids get into EVERYTHING. For that reason I waited until they were older to start. I'm not suggesting this for you, but continue your baby proofing. There is no such thing as overdoing it. And I've gotta say thank you for reminding me. We're gonna have kids at our house over the next few years and I'm gonna have to figure out how to make the tank completely inaccessible to them. I see some carpentry, baby locks and gates in my future!

 

[jabberwock]

How are all the new moms and dads managing reef husbandry with taking care of a baby? I’ve since converted my tank into an acro heavy tank, did a lot of work to baby proof albeit still not done, and now with less spare time, it’s beginning to feel more like a chore than enjoyment. I still love my tank, but it’s just hard to manage parenting and a reef tank all the time. Have tried many times to go “low maintenance” but dang, it’s still hard.

Without any judgment, I have two points of perspective for you.

1. Billions and billions of people have been parents.

2. You (and I) live in a first world country.

You can do it.

 

[NeedAReef]

I raised 5 kids and had a reef for many of the years. takes teamwork, both reef keeping and child rearing

 

[kartrsu]

I also triage tank tasks. The tank can handle empty dosers longer than an empty ato. Water change can wait...

If I were dipping daily the coral wouldn't leave the rack.

Also I'm getting better at doing things one handed.

The one handed thing brought a good laugh. My left arm is getting a good workout everyday now as I do things with my right.

Do you have the budget to hire someone to maintain your aquarium for a few weeks or a couple months? Just having the break will probably bring back your desire to do it yourself.

I was thinking about it, but as most of the heavy lifting has been done, it seems like it's just enduring to the "maintenance" point I had envisioned. I told myself if I stay and upgrade the tank for whatever reason, I'd outsource it rather than do it myself.

Yeah. Kids get into EVERYTHING. For that reason I waited until they were older to start. I'm not suggesting this for you, but continue your baby proofing. There is no such thing as overdoing it. And I've gotta say thank you for reminding me. We're gonna have kids at our house over the next few years and I'm gonna have to figure out how to make the tank completely inaccessible to them. I see some carpentry, baby locks and gates in my future!

Once my son pushed the cabinet door and it popped open, I knew it was time. It's a whole new world under the tank! I got those locks that require a magnet key to open the cabinets now. Corners are proofed. Blocking off access to the back of tank is also important.

Without any judgment, I have two points of perspective for you.

1. Billions and billions of people have been parents.

2. You (and I) live in a first world country.

You can do it.

No judgment received. There's nothing more real than going through it despite all the "preparation" ahead of time. Just have to manage through it. Who would have thought we'd have extended power outages in California when the Santa Ana winds picked up earlier this year.

Going to hold the fort! Thanks for the support everyone. I still do find joy at the end of a long day, just sitting and watching the tank and noticing growth. It does bring an element of peace when things go smoothly. I think after the AEFW dipping is complete, I'll be in a better place. It was a logistical challenge at first to prepare everything for dipping, but now it's literally rinse and repeat.

 

[FishTruck]

Sorry, annoying older Dad here.

The key is to build your system so that you can neglect if for at least two weeks at a time. Late night is your friend when they are little and the house is quiet.

Also... when they are little and want to help, let them... no matter how much they are really not help. These are precious moments.

The harder part is the teen years... when you are snarled up in the travel sports racket. Then... you need to make your tank 4 weeks neglect proof LOL! Hopefully, you have trained them well enough to PAY them for tank chores at that time. They do love that at all ages!

 

[KrisReef]

How are all the new moms and dads managing reef husbandry with taking care of a baby? I’ve since converted my tank into an acro heavy tank, did a lot of work to baby proof albeit still not done, and now with less spare time, it’s beginning to feel more like a chore than enjoyment. I still love my tank, but it’s just hard to manage parenting and a reef tank all the time. Have tried many times to go “low maintenance” but dang, it’s still hard.

We hired a nanny and later sent them off to Boarding Schools so we could enjoy our tank in peace. It's and expensive lifestyle choice but we feel we make the right one.

Most people would rather change a filter sock than a diaper, ime.

 

[NanoNana]

My kids are all grown up but
I take care of my dad who lives with me and has advanced Parkinson’s. It’s honestly not much different than having an infant and I’m up every couple of hours during the night and have to watch him like a hawk during the day.
I also have my 2 year old grandson a couple nights a week twice a month when my daughter travels for work.
I do water changes at about 11 pm, in the dark once a week and I do my water testing late at night after everyone has gone to bed. I’ve been siphoning water and had my dad’s bed alarm go off because he’s trying to get out of bed (he requires assistance with that) and that’s never fun but so far, I’ve been able to get it done without too much difficulty.

The 2 year old loves the tank. He stands there with a magnifying glass talking to fish a lot. He wanted a nudibranch because he saw one on a documentary he watched. I used to pull up pics or video of them on the phone for him. He particularly loved a specific lettuce nudibranch in a video and really really wanted it in the tank, so he walked over, lifted the lid and dropped my phone in the tank. He was very excited and proud to have his nudibranch in “his” tank. I’m so happy phones are now water proof. I bought a lettuce nudi the next day. They are cheaper than phones.

 

[Mschmidt]

Yeah. Kids get into EVERYTHING. For that reason I waited until they were older to start. I'm not suggesting this for you, but continue your baby proofing. There is no such thing as overdoing it. And I've gotta say thank you for reminding me. We're gonna have kids at our house over the next few years and I'm gonna have to figure out how to make the tank completely inaccessible to them. I see some carpentry, baby locks and gates in my future!

This kid proof?

Maybe don't do this...

 

[spsick]

I have an established Acropora tank and have a 2 year old boy that still doesn’t sleep and gets into everything that isn’t locked. Tot Locks on all the doors for my tank stand and supply cabinets. Auto water changes and big ATO reservoirs in the basement, anuto fish feeder and 2 part/Kalk on GHL doser that alerts me when they are low in the event I forget for a week. Without all the automation I prob would not have a nice looking tank…

 

[RSNJReef]

Been there, and, it takes time, but it will get easier. The best advice I can give though is:

No more new projects until the baby is sleeping through the night.

Put together a list of your maintenance tasks and assess if you really need to do them as frequently as you do, or, break the tasks down into simple actions which can take 5-10 minutes a day (for example, for my 90 gallon corner tank, I do 20 gallon water changes a week because I feed heavy, and normally do it as 2 10 gallon water changes on two different days, but if I know I’m gonna have a rough week, I use a 2.5 gallon bucket to do a 2.5 gallon water change once a day. Because I have a 50 gallon brute container with saltwater at all times, it takes me 5-6 min each day to do a water change, and it’s small enough amount that I don’t need to temp acclimate the water).

Set a weekly schedule, and stick to it, but give yourself a +/- 1 day buffer if you can’t get things done right away, and try not to set up activities to happen on consecutive days.

Invest in a good cleanup crew. Every tank I have has a handful of turbo snails. at least a dozen trochus snails, two tuxedo urchins, a zebrasoma tank and a bristletooth tang, and I’ve not had to clean my rockwork much, and the glass once every two weeks).

Don’t sweat it if the tank doesn’t look perfect, it’s a point of pride I know, but, there’s more important things right now, and you’ll get it back to where it needs to be, just keep it at a level where the algae is low and the nitrate/phosphate is at a healthy level.

Automate your testing if you can, and you can also use that as a trigger to set the schedule of water changes as need be. I have mastertronics on my systems and use that to gauge when I need to dose phosphate rx (if phosphate is high), or when I need to up or lower the water changes (i change my water change schedule based on the nitrate buildup).

Good luck, you’ll be fine, and just remember it’ll get easier.