Brew's 187g slice of the ocean
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RichtheReefer21
Scrap Yard Reefer
Excellence Award
Reef Tank 365
Article Contributor
Reef Squad Emeritus
Hospitality Award
Never an easy decision, especially with that kind of time invested. It's usually a big sigh of relief when things can be settled peacefully. I hope that continues to be the case as it all unfolds. Big hugs bud. Reach out if u need anything.
Bummer Brew. No words except to say I am sorry for both of you and wish you both healing.
If you are into understanding some ways to stop the dynamics pick up a book titled Getting the Love You Want...helped my wife and I and my sister and her husband...they got back together after separation.
If you are into understanding some ways to stop the dynamics pick up a book titled Getting the Love You Want...helped my wife and I and my sister and her husband...they got back together after separation.
OP
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Brew12
Electrical Gru
I really do appreciate everyone concern.
It's an odd situation where our marriage was likely better than 95% of couples. Unfortunately, because of our very different backgrounds and upbringing, we never have been good at communicating. We could have spent the next 30 years together and been content but we promised each other early on that content would never be good enough.
It will be an adjustment to go back to being single but I've always been very independent. No one needs to worry about my well being. I already do much of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping. I did my own laundry for years so that will be a minor adjustment.
I even have a wonderful hobby in Reefing to help give me something to do as I make this adjustment. What could be more therapeutic than sitting in front of a reef tank enjoying a margarita?
It's an odd situation where our marriage was likely better than 95% of couples. Unfortunately, because of our very different backgrounds and upbringing, we never have been good at communicating. We could have spent the next 30 years together and been content but we promised each other early on that content would never be good enough.
It will be an adjustment to go back to being single but I've always been very independent. No one needs to worry about my well being. I already do much of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping. I did my own laundry for years so that will be a minor adjustment.
I even have a wonderful hobby in Reefing to help give me something to do as I make this adjustment. What could be more therapeutic than sitting in front of a reef tank enjoying a margarita?
OP
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Brew12
Electrical Gru
How about a reefing update? My Apogee PAR sensor came in today. So much better than the Seneye if for no other reason than that the software is so much easier to use.
My PAR was lower than I had hoped at around 330 PAR at the top coral. I made some adjustments to my lights and PAR will be ramping up to around 500 over the next month using the acclimation mode.
The other update.... I've seen one huge difference already since starting with Chroma. My coralline has absolutely taken off. What has it been, 10 day? Huge difference. I used to get crazy growth but it stopped. I didn't make the connection that it likely stopped when I stopped using Chroma. It is coming back with a vengeance now. @UWC do you know if this is common?
My PAR was lower than I had hoped at around 330 PAR at the top coral. I made some adjustments to my lights and PAR will be ramping up to around 500 over the next month using the acclimation mode.
The other update.... I've seen one huge difference already since starting with Chroma. My coralline has absolutely taken off. What has it been, 10 day? Huge difference. I used to get crazy growth but it stopped. I didn't make the connection that it likely stopped when I stopped using Chroma. It is coming back with a vengeance now. @UWC do you know if this is common?
NY_Caveman
likes words, fish and arbitrary statistics
@Brew12 I feel for you brother. My ex and I went through the same starting almost exactly a year ago (and we are still going through it). Very similar situation. No abuse, no infidelities, we just were not the best people we could be while together. There is a longer story of course. We are trying to do it amicably, but as time has gone on it is sometimes less amicable. You may find you will both change in different ways at a different pace. The best advice I can give, that I have stuck too, is be civil, communicate and try not to take the other's words too personally. Sometimes people try to hurt because of who they are, not who you are.
Contact me any time for anything. Believe me, I know what you will be going through.
Contact me any time for anything. Believe me, I know what you will be going through.
dantimdad
7500 Club Member
Having been through it twice, I can understand the confusion and hurt.
You know it's the right thing to do but doubt creeps in.
If you need me, you know where I am. Come down and hang out at the store if you want. Might help take your mind off things for a bit.
You know it's the right thing to do but doubt creeps in.
If you need me, you know where I am. Come down and hang out at the store if you want. Might help take your mind off things for a bit.
Victoria M
5000 Club Member
Sometimes people try to hurt you. It is because of who they are, not who you are.
I tweaked it a bit...
It is so true.
And I try to remember usually they are hurting so badly from something they lash out. Life is so hard at times. But sometimes people suck.
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Brew12
Electrical Gru
I almost did come out there this weekend. I didn't realize just how much we would get done this weekend as far as packing things up. We are definitely ahead of where we need to be.
dantimdad
7500 Club Member
Come hang out Saturday. We are going to drill the reef 240 and put the big tanks on their stands.
OP
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Brew12
Electrical Gru
I had one of those annoying problems with the aquarium that should have been so easy to fix. A snail had gotten into my overflow (I think I posted about that) and clogged my siphon drain forcing water through my emergency drain. No big deal, the system worked how it was supposed to.
The issue is that getting the snail shell out of the drain section of my sump is not easy and the water flow was causing it to bounce around making a racket. The only opening in that section is the slot where the water flows up and over onto the filter socks.
Acrylic walls on 4 sides, top, and bottom and the pipes are in the way. The only things I had that were long enough weren't flexible.
After spending over an hour trying to manipulate it out, I gave up. I ended up taking a flexible tube and shoving it over the snail shell to pin it down and hold it in place to make the noise stop until I could find a way to remove it short of undoing my plumbing.
Fortunately, some searching got me to this and it worked like a champ.
Amazon product
The issue is that getting the snail shell out of the drain section of my sump is not easy and the water flow was causing it to bounce around making a racket. The only opening in that section is the slot where the water flows up and over onto the filter socks.
Acrylic walls on 4 sides, top, and bottom and the pipes are in the way. The only things I had that were long enough weren't flexible.
After spending over an hour trying to manipulate it out, I gave up. I ended up taking a flexible tube and shoving it over the snail shell to pin it down and hold it in place to make the noise stop until I could find a way to remove it short of undoing my plumbing.
Fortunately, some searching got me to this and it worked like a champ.
Amazon product
RichtheReefer21
Scrap Yard Reefer
Excellence Award
Reef Tank 365
Article Contributor
Reef Squad Emeritus
Hospitality Award
I had one of those annoying problems with the aquarium that should have been so easy to fix. A snail had gotten into my overflow (I think I posted about that) and clogged my siphon drain forcing water through my emergency drain. No big deal, the system worked how it was supposed to.
The issue is that getting the snail shell out of the drain section of my sump is not easy and the water flow was causing it to bounce around making a racket. The only opening in that section is the slot where the water flows up and over onto the filter socks.
Acrylic walls on 4 sides, top, and bottom and the pipes are in the way. The only things I had that were long enough weren't flexible.
After spending over an hour trying to manipulate it out, I gave up. I ended up taking a flexible tube and shoving it over the snail shell to pin it down and hold it in place to make the noise stop until I could find a way to remove it short of undoing my plumbing.
Fortunately, some searching got me to this and it worked like a champ.
Amazon product
Starting a new hash tag..
#MacGuyverMoment
Victoria M
5000 Club Member
That is cool. A single snail did that? That reminds me...find snail cover thingy for my drain.
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Brew12
Electrical Gru
I've got some pretty big Nerites in my tank and it was one of those. It probably wouldn't have triggered my emergency drain if I had done a better job tuning the overflow when I replaced the return pump. I have too much flow going through my trickle drain right now.
I needed the retriever again 2 nights ago when another snail took a ride down. This one got past the valve since it was smaller but was still making a racket.
OP
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Brew12
Electrical Gru
So far, this has been the only downside to my new overflow since it doesn't have teeth. I've had a few snails and shrimp take a ride down the drain. The shrimp all live, I just have to check my socks for them when I change them out. Getting the snails out? This comes in handy! I'm sure it will also be handy to pick up coral pieces and old shells around the tank so I don't have to get shoulder deep.
OP
OP
Brew12
Electrical Gru
I think it depends on how your weir is set up. If yours has teeth on it you should be fine.
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Why not put a plastic net cover over the overflow holes this way they can’t take that ride obviously leave the emergency pip open I case the others get clogged
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